Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize