Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I touched a dick in church today
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