She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
