ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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