i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
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