is your mom at the bar?
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
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