Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
