My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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