The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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