i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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