My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Randomize