walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
