Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
