You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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