...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
It's official drugs can't kill me
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Randomize
