Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
