he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
