Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
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