Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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