Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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