May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
