Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
