When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize