oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
