i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Randomize
