i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
