Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Randomize
