Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
