I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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