He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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