Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
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