Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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