I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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