Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Also, beer. Big fan.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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