i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize