Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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