Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
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