kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
