Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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