I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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