puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
