My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
