i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
I did not marry a roomba.
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