Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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