Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
