Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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