hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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