Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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