I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
