you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Where did you get a picture of my penis
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
