Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I think I sprained my soul last night
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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