Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
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