I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
