Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
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