Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
