hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
