i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
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