There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
