Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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