why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Just pee around me
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize
