I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
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