You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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