Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
