Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
