If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
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