I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
