When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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