You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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