I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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