you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I pour the whiskey from now on
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
