He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Randomize