we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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