I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
