So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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