its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
