the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
17 year olds will be the death of me.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
