By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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