People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
