help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
