my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Randomize
