haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
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