fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
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