We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Randomize