Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
