i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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