So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize