my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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