i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Randomize
