If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
