My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Randomize
