found the other keg... it's in the tree
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
