You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
