I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize