This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
