my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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