A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
