Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
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