I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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